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Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 21:54:34

Jdash24

Posts: 831
Joined: Jul.-18th-2007
From: Penny Lane
Status: offline

Ok, so the girl I love is dating another guy. And today, while talking to this guy (he doesn't know I love her) I managed to get some info from him where he said he "loved" her and this other girl. I asked him if he had to choose what would he do, and he said he would choose this other girl.

Well I told the girl I love that, and now she is very upset with him. Now that guy is in a really bad light to her, and I'm in a good light, being kind, honest, and helpful for her, because she wanted me to find this stuff out.

Should I continue to try and put him in bad light, and make myself look great. Or just not try and push the envelope and let things take their course, just hoping she'll break up with him.

Any advice is much appreciated.

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 21:58:15

DrPirate

Posts: 1626
Joined: Apr.-24th-2007
From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Status: online

Stop saying love.

I can say this coming out of a 4 and some odd months relationship.

Ummmmmmmmmm....Honestly, just sit back, if he doesn't really love her that relationship was doomed from the start, all you did was incriminate yourself by having a hand in it.

.......

(whisper) get that guy and the other girl to hook up and have this girl you like walk in on them.

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Post #: 2

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:02:01

Catastrophe

Posts: 3424
Joined: Jul.-10th-2007
Status: online

Oh dear Jdash, here's the harsh and painful bad news: I don't think you were being kind, honest or helpful you were being self-serving, manipulative and hurtful. So no, don't do that. Apologize to her for getting involved in the mess, tell her you genuinely care about her, and that you'll be there for her whatever happens between her and Dbag #2. And then be there for her no matter what happens. Though, honestly, I doubt she's the real love of your life (though it's possible).

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Post #: 3

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:02:43

toughNAME

Posts: 648
Joined: May-12th-2007
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: online

Go for the girl straight up, or sit back and let things take there course.

I would highly advise not 'investigating' people like that, as hard as it is not to do. I've had some bad experiences with this where I think I'm doing the right thing but it comes back to bite me in the ass.

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:04:44

Jdash24

Posts: 831
Joined: Jul.-18th-2007
From: Penny Lane
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Catastrophe

Oh dear Jdash, here's the harsh and painful bad news: I don't think you were being kind, honest or helpful you were being self-serving, manipulative and hurtful. So no, don't do that. Apologize to her for getting involved in the mess, tell her you genuinely care about her, and that you'll be there for her whatever happens between her and Dbag #2. And then be there for her no matter what happens. Though, honestly, I doubt she's the real love of your life (though it's possible).

Well see the thing is, she asked me to find this stuff out, which is the only reason I inconspicuously lead the conversation with him over to her, so I could find it out for her. Then just told her what he said word for word, She was really thankful for me finding that stuff out for her. I just don't want her hurt. Even though she has hurt me before

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:07:29

Catastrophe

Posts: 3424
Joined: Jul.-10th-2007
Status: online

then two scenarios: 1) you're taking advantage of her not knowing you like her OR worse 2) she knows you like her and is using you like a rag.

I guess what I'm not so eloquently trying to say is situations like this are teh sux, and a sign of future teh sux to come.

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Post #: 6

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:10:53

Jdash24

Posts: 831
Joined: Jul.-18th-2007
From: Penny Lane
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Catastrophe

then two scenarios: 1) you're taking advantage of her not knowing you like her OR worse 2) she knows you like her and is using you like a rag.

I guess what I'm not so eloquently trying to say is situations like this are teh sux, and a sign of future teh sux to come.

Well there is a long complicated history between us, I don't know if she knows that I still like her. But no matter what, we always seem to come out fine (friendwise). All she knows is that her boyfriend would rather be with someone else, and from the way he said it, was only with her because it was convenient (the girl he'd rather be with lives in Japan).

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:13:39

IntelligentAj

Posts: 317
Joined: Oct.-7th-2007
From: Jamaica, New York
Status: offline

Well the easiest thing for you to do would be for you to tell her how you feel and let the chips fall where they may. This may be direct but it will get you the uickest results so you'll know whether your wasting your time. And also how long have you known her?

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:14:13

Dukester101

Posts: 4557
Joined: Mar.-27th-2007
From: Ohio
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I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now... sorry man, but you dont really know what true love is.

Sometimes it takes losing something to truly appreciate how great it really was (for both sides).

You're still young though, and think you "love" someone, when to be honest, you really have no idea what love is. I know I sound like I'm being a complete douche bag, but when you really truly and honestly love someone, you'll know it in your head, and more importantly your heart. You'll hurt when they hurt, you'll yearn to make them happy, and give them all they desire. You'll want to spend the rest of your life with them, have children, and grow old with them. Looks are no longer an issue, because eventually you'll get old and wrinkly, but the one thing you will have is the love for each other.

True love is about sticking through it... the good times and the bad; for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, and in sickness and in health.

As for your situation with this girl, it sounds like you're in the friend zone. The chances of getting with her are pretty slim, especially when she has no idea you want her. To save myself from typing more... just follow what Cat said. She pretty much said what I'd say in one way or another.

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:21:56

Catastrophe

Posts: 3424
Joined: Jul.-10th-2007
Status: online

yeah, just be totally honest with her, since you've already been honest enough about what Boyfriend said. Just telling her may help kill the illusion that inevitably develops when you have a friend of the opposite sex that you rather think you'd like to date.

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Post #: 10

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:25:37

Jdash24

Posts: 831
Joined: Jul.-18th-2007
From: Penny Lane
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@IntelligentAj

I've known her for about a year and a half now. But only like in the last 6-7 month I fell for her.

@Dukester101

You didn't sound like you were being a complete douchebag

It's funny because what you just described as love is in fact how i feel for her

Also, the simplest way I can describe the kind of relationship between us, without going into all the detail, is the Ross and Rachel will they- wont they crap from friends.

PS: To Cat and all. Thanks for the advice I've gotten so far

< Message edited by Jdash24 -- Apr.-8th-2008 22:28:32 >

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RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:28:41

socomnick

Posts: 793
Joined: Apr.-5th-2007
From: Happy Tree Land
Status: online

I recommend you let things sort them self out. Try to not get too involved. Theres plenty of fish in the sea m8 upgrade. Its kinda like buying a car just go to the club and size up your options lots of great makes and models there

. Dont bum yourself out for a girl.

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Post #: 12

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:41:45

IntelligentAj

Posts: 317
Joined: Oct.-7th-2007
From: Jamaica, New York
Status: offline

What is it exactly that attracts her to you? And have you tried exploring other options or looking at what you don't like about her? If you haven't I would suggest that you do since the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

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Post #: 13

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-8th-2008 22:46:51

Catastrophe

Posts: 3424
Joined: Jul.-10th-2007
Status: online

go team! good luck jdash.

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Post #: 14

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-9th-2008 9:49:03

tonsoffun

Posts: 72
Joined: Apr.-23th-2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Catastrophe

Oh dear Jdash, here's the harsh and painful bad news: I don't think you were being kind, honest or helpful you were being self-serving, manipulative and hurtful. So no, don't do that. Apologize to her for getting involved in the mess, tell her you genuinely care about her, and that you'll be there for her whatever happens between her and Dbag #2. And then be there for her no matter what happens. Though, honestly, I doubt she's the real love of your life (though it's possible).

totally agree there man, you are manipluating the situation to suit yourself. And if she was interested in you would think that she would actually be going out with you, not this other guy.

(in reply to Catastrophe)

Post #: 15

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-9th-2008 9:51:05

tonsoffun

Posts: 72
Joined: Apr.-23th-2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dukester101

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now... sorry man, but you dont really know what true love is.

Sometimes it takes losing something to truly appreciate how great it really was (for both sides).

You're still young though, and think you "love" someone, when to be honest, you really have no idea what love is. I know I sound like I'm being a complete douche bag, but when you really truly and honestly love someone, you'll know it in your head, and more importantly your heart. You'll hurt when they hurt, you'll yearn to make them happy, and give them all they desire. You'll want to spend the rest of your life with them, have children, and grow old with them. Looks are no longer an issue, because eventually you'll get old and wrinkly, but the one thing you will have is the love for each other.

True love is about sticking through it... the good times and the bad; for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, and in sickness and in health.

As for your situation with this girl, it sounds like you're in the friend zone. The chances of getting with her are pretty slim, especially when she has no idea you want her. To save myself from typing more... just follow what Cat said. She pretty much said what I'd say in one way or another.

God, I've been with the missus for 10 years - if I'd of murdered someone, I would have been out by now.

(in reply to Dukester101)

Post #: 16

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-9th-2008 9:59:53

godoftime

Posts: 2336
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From: Jupiter
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Now you feel so alive

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Post #: 17

RE: Need some advice - Apr.-9th-2008 10:05:03

DarkSniper

Posts: 1997
Joined: Oct.-5th-2007
From: Texas
Status: online

By you going back and telling what that person said, you're considered a snitch in my opinion. To find an opinion with the sole intent of telling your lady friend what he was thinking is quite wrong and shows that you have a malicious intent for the advantage of your personal being. If he really doesnt want to be with your friend, you should let the situation play out because in the end, those two will be breaking up if one is not happy.

Now as far as your friendship with the lady friend, my best advice to you is to find another female to occupy your time. If she does have any sort of feelings for you, it will show once you devote your attention towards someone else. Once you make it obvious that you've already been pre-selected by another woman, her true feelings will show and you will get your answer.

Dr. $niper

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